A couple of weeks ago I was asked to speak at a church about what the bible has to say about family and somehow relate that to my experience of fostering children.
Firstly I felt to point out that there is nothing new under the sun! From the very beginning when sin entered the world, family has been in a mess. A brother killed a brother!! Think about that!
There must have been some resentment, jealousy and strong feeling there!
The ancient book is a helpful place to look at family as it follows the story of one family in particular. By the time we get to the third generation and Jacob's family we find some huge unresolved issues.
I've met a lot of families while being a foster carer but I have yet to meet a family as messed up and complicated as Jacobs.
Jacob marries 2 sisters because he is tricked into marrying the not so good looking one first. Both sisters are set against each other from the outset with good cause for jealousy and resentment. Sister 1 (the not so good looking one), manages to have children but sister 2 has difficulty having children even though she desperately wants them.
Sister 2 (the good looking one) is the one who Jacob REALLY loves, so sister 1 has cause to have feelings of inadequacy and rejection causing her to be deeply jealous. She starts naming her sons to reflect the process and journey she's on.
It's a long story in which both sisters end up arranging for their personal maids and 'home help' to sleep with Jacob so that they continue to 'have' children. Children are used in a point scoring way for the sisters to get oneupmanship over each other. Can you imagine being one of those children? No wonder by the time the 11th child is born, the family is full of unspoken and complex feelings, a steaming pot of jealousy and unresolved anger. We know this because we read that the 11th child was also the one favoured by Jacob. The next generation of children were growing up in an atmosphere of jealousy and competitiveness. All this resulted in them trying to get rid of brother number 11 for good.
It's a fascinating story in the ancient book - worth reading because the story continues and we see that God never gives up on this family.
All this brings me to the second point - that no matter how messy - 'Mercy triumphs over judgement.'
There is hope for all families in the earth. God loves us and wants the very best for us. God is good and merciful and full of kindness. He never gave up on this family, He has loved them over the years and still has purposes for them. As we become part of God's family through being adopted as sons through Jesus having made a way - so we are forgiven and changed into His likeness and our own families can benefit.
Transformation of our families can only come when we allow God's mercy and love to triumph over judgement. Seeing the best in everyone because we are made in God's image. There is always something of God's image in us no matter how defiled or tarnished that image may get.
We have experienced the joy of being able to speak life giving words over young wounded hearts and on many occasions have seen restoration and healing come.
Whether our own families are a mess and need to be released into blessings or whether we are involved in caring for children and youth with wounded hearts and defilement in their generational lines, there is a message of HOPE.
My third and final point was to encourage people to be life giving with their words. As part of God's family we know that He is a Father in heaven whose heart is that none should perish. As we walk in Him let us have our Father's eyes, for everyone we meet. As we ask the Holy Spirit to help us truly love and forgive as our Father in heaven truly loves and forgives us, so we have great cause to JUMP for JOY!
